I think it's morning sickness (by the way, are there really people out there who have true "morning" sickness? If so, I hate you. Okay, that's not fair. I don't hate you, but I am really very jealous). Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I think maybe because I'm not feeling well at present (did I mention I'm pregnant?) I have no patience for much of anything. I'm fed up. Everywhere I turn there are angry people venting about this or that political topic, citing media sources from one extreme or the other. There are angry feminists, angry misogynists, angry communists, angry capitalists, and so on up and down the spectrum. Everyone is absolutely one hundred percent sure they're right and there is no room for negotiation.
I should start by saying I tend to be quite conservative, politically, and in life in general. Conservativism has, unfortunately come to represent close-mindedness. I don't consider myself to be close-minded. I have come to have certain beliefs based on study and reflection and usually find that what I feel is right aligns most with a more conservative point of view. That being said, I don't like republican politicians any more than I like democratic politicians. They're almost all a fake, slimy, pandering bunch. Of course there are always exceptions, but unfortunately for them and the country they have trouble rising in power because they're not slimy enough.
But I digress.
Today as I scanned over my Facebook newsfeed I felt disgusted as I read one after another ridiculously slanted political post. Then I saw a news story about a little girl from Illinois whose body was found near her home. I thought about her poor family and how they must be feeling. That's when I realized why I hate all of these political posts. It's because we should be worried about other things-- or other people, that is. People. That's what we should worry about. Not causes.
When there are people who don't have a home or food to eat, why do we continue to fight about whether or not the government should use religious organizations to meet those needs? Why do we care where that food comes from?
While there are children dying and parents mourning, why are there people in the world so concerned with fighting for women to have the right to kill their unborn children so that they can escape the consequences of their actions?
When there are people in other countries living in shacks and eating gruel (if they're lucky), why do we resist the efforts by our government to give foreign aid? Poverty in American has NOTHING on poverty in much of the world. Our poor seem wealthy in comparison.
While we watch governments oppress, abuse, neglect, even kill their own citizens, why are we so concerned with keeping foreigners out of our borders? America as a nation came to be only because someone wanted to escape their country to a new land. Why should we deny others that same privilege?
I guess what I'm trying to say is not that we shouldn't ever worry about causes. Rather, what I'm trying to say is that we ought to, when thinking of which causes to support, think about what will really help people rather than espousing only the causes that align with our political party of choice. And we need to knock off the bickering. It's so pointless, so very unproductive, and helps nobody. And, in my opinion, that's the whole purpose of this life-- to help other people. And we can't do that by fighting with them.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Why I Like Dads
Several years ago my mom invited all the girls out to Utah for a fun girls' night in Salt Lake City. We left the kiddos at mom and dad's house with the men and stayed the night in a hotel downtown. When we returned the next morning we found the following scene:
Almost all of the kids were in the swimsuits and were covered in mud. Excepting Michael, who was in the same romper he'd been wearing the previous day. He was covered in mud and his romper was unsnapped and hanging down like a dress. My second brother's oldest daughter was wearing her swimming suit backwards and inside out. And, again, covered in mud. But that didn't matter. None of it did. Because they were all smiling & looking like they'd just had the best time of their lives. But the poor men looked like they'd been through war. So did the house. Trashed. Completely. Try to imagine it and you will be way off. Really. I think we may have got them in a little over their heads, but they didn't complain.
I think of that morning every time I see a dad show up to church alone with the kids. Mom is out of town and daddy is in charge. I grin and inspect the kids. The girls always suffer the most. Even with the list of instructions about 10 pages long that I imagine their wives left them, they can only do the best they know how. Putting a bow in a little girl's hair is not as easy as we moms make it look. Brushing the snarls out is near impossible without some sort of training. And finding clothes that fit the child is not necessarily a skill you're born with. These things take time to learn.
I'm sure bedtime routines are sort of skimmed over. Bedtime is either much later or earlier than it is when mom is home. The kids may or may not brush their teeth thoroughly. They may or may not brush their teeth at all. Try not to think about it. Breakfast is definitely not whole wheat toast, sliced fruit, and yogurt. Try pop tarts. The dinner plate may look a little different. No vegetable, starch, fruit, protein. Unless you count the tomato sauce on frozen pizza as a fruit and a vegetable.
And I'm sure those aren't the only areas in which these dads are sort of skimming over the list of instructions. Dads have a different agenda than moms. That's just the way it is. Moms, because we have these great maternal instincts, feel a grave responsibility to make sure our kids are clean, well fed, well mannered, smart, and dressed to the nines. Dads care basically about two things: that the kids are having fun and they, the dads, are having fun. And that is why we need dads. They make sure the kids get their unstructured, unplanned, spontaneous fun. Don't get me wrong-- we need moms, too, or our kids would go about wearing swimsuits inside out and backwards, covered in mud. But without dads I wouldn't have this grin on my face, thinking about my niece, her swimming suit inside out, backwards, covered in mud, a big smile on her face.
Almost all of the kids were in the swimsuits and were covered in mud. Excepting Michael, who was in the same romper he'd been wearing the previous day. He was covered in mud and his romper was unsnapped and hanging down like a dress. My second brother's oldest daughter was wearing her swimming suit backwards and inside out. And, again, covered in mud. But that didn't matter. None of it did. Because they were all smiling & looking like they'd just had the best time of their lives. But the poor men looked like they'd been through war. So did the house. Trashed. Completely. Try to imagine it and you will be way off. Really. I think we may have got them in a little over their heads, but they didn't complain.
I think of that morning every time I see a dad show up to church alone with the kids. Mom is out of town and daddy is in charge. I grin and inspect the kids. The girls always suffer the most. Even with the list of instructions about 10 pages long that I imagine their wives left them, they can only do the best they know how. Putting a bow in a little girl's hair is not as easy as we moms make it look. Brushing the snarls out is near impossible without some sort of training. And finding clothes that fit the child is not necessarily a skill you're born with. These things take time to learn.
I'm sure bedtime routines are sort of skimmed over. Bedtime is either much later or earlier than it is when mom is home. The kids may or may not brush their teeth thoroughly. They may or may not brush their teeth at all. Try not to think about it. Breakfast is definitely not whole wheat toast, sliced fruit, and yogurt. Try pop tarts. The dinner plate may look a little different. No vegetable, starch, fruit, protein. Unless you count the tomato sauce on frozen pizza as a fruit and a vegetable.
And I'm sure those aren't the only areas in which these dads are sort of skimming over the list of instructions. Dads have a different agenda than moms. That's just the way it is. Moms, because we have these great maternal instincts, feel a grave responsibility to make sure our kids are clean, well fed, well mannered, smart, and dressed to the nines. Dads care basically about two things: that the kids are having fun and they, the dads, are having fun. And that is why we need dads. They make sure the kids get their unstructured, unplanned, spontaneous fun. Don't get me wrong-- we need moms, too, or our kids would go about wearing swimsuits inside out and backwards, covered in mud. But without dads I wouldn't have this grin on my face, thinking about my niece, her swimming suit inside out, backwards, covered in mud, a big smile on her face.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Angel Mothers
Believe it or not, many women hate Mother's Day.
Women who would like to be mothers but have not yet that the opportunity feel excluded. Women who have lost a child find it a very emotionally trying day.
And even the women who have all of their children alive and well can begin to hate mother's day. I have heard some women express that they hate hearing about all of the perfect mothers in the world. It makes them feel even more inadequate in comparison.
But let's face it. Nobody's mother is perfectly angelic. We all fall short of the mark from time to time. Or more often than that.
Below is the post I wrote about my own mother in honor of the holiday:
Women who would like to be mothers but have not yet that the opportunity feel excluded. Women who have lost a child find it a very emotionally trying day.
And even the women who have all of their children alive and well can begin to hate mother's day. I have heard some women express that they hate hearing about all of the perfect mothers in the world. It makes them feel even more inadequate in comparison.
But let's face it. Nobody's mother is perfectly angelic. We all fall short of the mark from time to time. Or more often than that.
Below is the post I wrote about my own mother in honor of the holiday:
"Happy Mother's Day!! I am sitting here tonight thinking about my own mother. She is the epitome of optimism. If something bad happens she works overtime to find the silver lining. She is almost always happy, smiliing. She's intensely interested in other people, even someone she just met. I never wonder whether she will want to help me out of a bind or whether she will be interested in my latest news-- she always makes me feel important. Growing up she filled our home with good books, beautiful music, and delicious food. I am proud to have her as my mother."
Doesn't she sound perfect?
What I didn't say about my mom is that she was always misplacing things. The cordless phone would be missing and we'd find it in the dishwasher (thankfully before it was washed) or the refrigerator or some such place. She was forgetful. She would forget to pick kids up from school or forget to sign permission slips (for heaven's sake, the poor woman had six children and a husband who had to work a lot). She lost her temper sometimes and yelled at her kids. Her house wasn't always clean and her life wasn't always organized. She didn't feed us organic foods. Maybe we ate too much white bread and not enough leafy green vegetables. She had no idea how to style my crazy, frizzy curls and sometimes she made the mistake of letting the hairstylist turn me into little orphan Annie.
BUT what you should also know is that when my mom realized she left the phone in the dishwasher she would always willingly have a good laugh at her mistake. By watching my mom I LEARNED TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH AT MYSELF (which is good, since I have plenty of material).
When my mom forgot things she ought to have remembered she didn't get bent out of shape. She just apologized and moved on. From my mom I LEARNED TO NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.
When my mom made the mistake of yelling at one of her children she apologized and made sure we felt loved. She taught me to be willing to apologize when I was wrong and to NEVER GO TO BED MAD.
The fact that my mom's house wasn't always clean or her life perfectly organized was the result of my mom having greater priorities. She showed me that it's more important to GIVE YOUR CHILDREN YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION than it is to give your house your time and attention.
Although my mom let me eat too much white bread and not enough organic produce, at least she fed us white bread she baked herself and cookies and treats she prepared for us with her own hands. From my mom I learned A LOVE FOR BAKING (I do wish she could have instilled in me a love for washing up the dishes afterwards, but, alas, she had no luck there).
My mom couldn't get my hair just right and she didn't buy me the latest fashions. She didn't worry about those things. She didn't leave her children looking unkempt, but she also taught me that my APPEARANCE WAS LESS IMPORTANT THAN WHAT WAS ON THE INSIDE. She wanted her children to be kind and good.
I'm glad to know my mom isn't perfect. Her imperfections are part of who she is. And we mothers all ought to embrace our inadequacies because through them our children will learn how to face their own shortcomings in life. Dear moms of the world, love yourselves, all of yourselves, as much as you love your dear children. Embrace Mother's Day as a chance to focus on the things you're good at instead of your weak areas. After all, you're just doing the best you can with the gifts you've been given.
Happy Mother's Day!
Friday, May 10, 2013
Happy, believe it or not
Lately something has been churning below the surface in my mind. And it finally came to the surface and I realized something: I'M HAPPY.
I do NOT have a perfect life (although I am very blessed). But, as it turns out, a perfect life is not necessary in order to be happy. I have decided I'm going to be happy, to think the best of others, to search for the good in my life and in the world in general, to do the things that allow me to stay happy.
But I'm frustrated with the people of the world who think I (or others like me) should not be happy. Because, as it turns out, I need to lose some weight. Quite a bit, actually. I was skinny most of my life, but I'm older and I've had two babies and I have a harder time staying thin now.
I don't necessarily like the way I look in the mirror. Or in pictures. BUT that has little to do with my happiness. It has to do with what everyone else thinks more than what I think. I want to lose weight to be healthy. But not in order to be happy. I am happy now and I hope to be happy when I am thin, but I want to always be able to remember one thing: happy is a state of mind. I can be happy no matter how I look. Unfortunately, the world in general is not happy with how I look.
You can't miss the message the world is sending. I would be willing to bet about half of all pins or posts on the internet have something to do with how to be skinnier, or how to live longer, or something else related to looking any way other than how I look right now. If a person is overweight and WANTS to know how to lose weight, then it would be EASY for that person to find the information needed. But if a person's focus is elsewhere at that moment the deluge of information might be a negative, constant reminder to someone of his or her imperfections. Being constantly reminded of how bad you look or how bad your eating choices are can have the opposite affect than the one intended. "Helpful" people think they're giving you useful information when what they're really doing is making you feel GUILTY. When I feel guilty I want to go eat a cookie. When I feel motivated I want to go for a walk and eat a salad.
How do you motivate someone to exercise and diet? That's a good question. First, let me tell you how NOT to motivate someone to exercise and diet. DON'T constantly remind them that they are fat or that the food they're eating is POISON or that they've made a lot of BAD choices (even if you don't say it outright, constantly sharing information nobody asked for is really not helpful). Also, if you weight 100 pounds LESS than the person, don't constantly call yourself fat or talk about how you can't eat the cheesecake your overweight friend is eating because you would be fat if you did. Surely you can see how these things might just lead someone to binge eat or go put on some sweat pants and crawl into bed because they feel so very unnattractive.
Instead, help your friend to love him or herself NOW, no matter what size. This will make them LESS likely to want to eat cookies. Helping someone to feel happy is a much better motivator than helping them to recognize how fat and unhealthy they are. THEN after you have helped them feel loved and accepted, invite them to do healthy activities with you THAT THEY CAN ACTUALLY DO. Don't ask someone who has never run before in his or her life to come run five miles with you. Instead, ask if they'll go for a walk with you. Ask them to come to the swimming pool or to take a Zumba class. Start at their level, and help them gradually get better.
BUT when it comes down to it, you don't get to decide for someone else what they eat or what activities they engage in. Nor should you judge them based on those choices, because you just never know what other battles a person is fighting. You could find they have health or emotional problems that cause weight gain. Or you might find out that their focus right now is elsewhere. Their current goal might be their spiritual well-being and their physical well-being is next on their list. It might just not be the MOST important thing in their life at present and that's okay. In fact, it's important to always put things in perspective. The OBSESSION our world has with being skinny and living longer is excessive. We ought to think of weightier things first.
BOTTOM LINE, just knock it off. Don't judge based on appearances, period. We learned in ELEMENTARY not to judge a book by its cover. But for some reason that lesson has been truly applied. It's the personality, the deeds, the words, the thoughts that matter. Love someone for the kind of person they truly are, not the kind of person they APPEAR to be.
I do NOT have a perfect life (although I am very blessed). But, as it turns out, a perfect life is not necessary in order to be happy. I have decided I'm going to be happy, to think the best of others, to search for the good in my life and in the world in general, to do the things that allow me to stay happy.
But I'm frustrated with the people of the world who think I (or others like me) should not be happy. Because, as it turns out, I need to lose some weight. Quite a bit, actually. I was skinny most of my life, but I'm older and I've had two babies and I have a harder time staying thin now.
I don't necessarily like the way I look in the mirror. Or in pictures. BUT that has little to do with my happiness. It has to do with what everyone else thinks more than what I think. I want to lose weight to be healthy. But not in order to be happy. I am happy now and I hope to be happy when I am thin, but I want to always be able to remember one thing: happy is a state of mind. I can be happy no matter how I look. Unfortunately, the world in general is not happy with how I look.
You can't miss the message the world is sending. I would be willing to bet about half of all pins or posts on the internet have something to do with how to be skinnier, or how to live longer, or something else related to looking any way other than how I look right now. If a person is overweight and WANTS to know how to lose weight, then it would be EASY for that person to find the information needed. But if a person's focus is elsewhere at that moment the deluge of information might be a negative, constant reminder to someone of his or her imperfections. Being constantly reminded of how bad you look or how bad your eating choices are can have the opposite affect than the one intended. "Helpful" people think they're giving you useful information when what they're really doing is making you feel GUILTY. When I feel guilty I want to go eat a cookie. When I feel motivated I want to go for a walk and eat a salad.
How do you motivate someone to exercise and diet? That's a good question. First, let me tell you how NOT to motivate someone to exercise and diet. DON'T constantly remind them that they are fat or that the food they're eating is POISON or that they've made a lot of BAD choices (even if you don't say it outright, constantly sharing information nobody asked for is really not helpful). Also, if you weight 100 pounds LESS than the person, don't constantly call yourself fat or talk about how you can't eat the cheesecake your overweight friend is eating because you would be fat if you did. Surely you can see how these things might just lead someone to binge eat or go put on some sweat pants and crawl into bed because they feel so very unnattractive.
Instead, help your friend to love him or herself NOW, no matter what size. This will make them LESS likely to want to eat cookies. Helping someone to feel happy is a much better motivator than helping them to recognize how fat and unhealthy they are. THEN after you have helped them feel loved and accepted, invite them to do healthy activities with you THAT THEY CAN ACTUALLY DO. Don't ask someone who has never run before in his or her life to come run five miles with you. Instead, ask if they'll go for a walk with you. Ask them to come to the swimming pool or to take a Zumba class. Start at their level, and help them gradually get better.
BUT when it comes down to it, you don't get to decide for someone else what they eat or what activities they engage in. Nor should you judge them based on those choices, because you just never know what other battles a person is fighting. You could find they have health or emotional problems that cause weight gain. Or you might find out that their focus right now is elsewhere. Their current goal might be their spiritual well-being and their physical well-being is next on their list. It might just not be the MOST important thing in their life at present and that's okay. In fact, it's important to always put things in perspective. The OBSESSION our world has with being skinny and living longer is excessive. We ought to think of weightier things first.
BOTTOM LINE, just knock it off. Don't judge based on appearances, period. We learned in ELEMENTARY not to judge a book by its cover. But for some reason that lesson has been truly applied. It's the personality, the deeds, the words, the thoughts that matter. Love someone for the kind of person they truly are, not the kind of person they APPEAR to be.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Gene's Barbecue: Biker's Welcome
A little memory from a trip I took with my parents when my youngest was a baby...
We stopped in Brinkley, Arkansas for lunch. We were sick of fast food, so we found a place called Gene's Barbecue. It looked busy, which was a good sign. The parking lot was full of pickups. My tiny Kia Soectra looked a little out of place.
We walked into the dining room, which was about the size of my kitchen at home. One huge banquet table was filled entirely with men & boys in camouflage. The rest of the diners look pretty normal. As soon as we stepped inside the room went silent. We waited by the door for someone to greet us, seat us, or tell us to go away. None of these things happened, so we just sat down. And waited. And we kept on waiting. The conversations around us were whispered and the other guests kept peeking over at us. I was waiting for the moment when someone would saunter up to our table and say, "We don't too much like strangers 'round these parts." I tried to keep my 4 year old entertained & quiet with the tools at my disposal-- packets of artificial sweetener, ketchup, tabasco, and steak sauce. The baby started fussing and then we got more stares, so I took him out of his seat and held him.
Someone eventually brought us a menu and said they'd be around to take our order soon. We felt encouraged; we had menus! They must be willing to give us food, too. The food sure sounded good. Barbecued pork, fried chicken. Great southern fare.My 4 year old was looking forward to some pancakes and sausage. We waited-- our mouths watering-- for the waitress. She came out of the kitchen and took the order of the diners who came in after us. They were closer to the kitchen. That's probably why she took their order first. Right? And then she commenced to take the orders of everyone who came in after us, walking right past our table in order to do so. We kept saying,"If she doesn't take our order after those guys, let's leave." Finally we just got up and left. And I swear I heard a huge sigh of relief.
As we drove off, my mom pointed to the sign outside. It said "Bikers welcome."
Q & A
The way a mother answers a question:
Kid: "Mom, when was the word quiz invented?"
Mom: "That is a very good question. I don't know. We should go look it up on the Internet."
The way a father answers a question:
Kid: "Dad, when was the word quiz invented?"
Dad: "February 1, 1823. It was invented by George Quiz of Boston, Massachusetts. He was a school teacher. He wanted school to be harder for the kids. Interestingly enough,
he actually did very poorly in school when he was a kid. But he made millions of dollars on his invention & was able to stop teaching school and married a beautiful woman named Poppy, but all of her friends called her 'Pop.' So, for the rest of her life she was known as 'Pop Quiz,' which, incidentally, is where the phrase 'Pop Quiz' came from, which made the Quiz family even wealthier & school even harder for the kids."
Kid: "Wow, Dad, you know everything."
Dad: "I know."
Kid: "Mom, when was the word quiz invented?"
Mom: "That is a very good question. I don't know. We should go look it up on the Internet."
The way a father answers a question:
Kid: "Dad, when was the word quiz invented?"
Dad: "February 1, 1823. It was invented by George Quiz of Boston, Massachusetts. He was a school teacher. He wanted school to be harder for the kids. Interestingly enough,
he actually did very poorly in school when he was a kid. But he made millions of dollars on his invention & was able to stop teaching school and married a beautiful woman named Poppy, but all of her friends called her 'Pop.' So, for the rest of her life she was known as 'Pop Quiz,' which, incidentally, is where the phrase 'Pop Quiz' came from, which made the Quiz family even wealthier & school even harder for the kids."
Kid: "Wow, Dad, you know everything."
Dad: "I know."
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Nebraska, possibilities...endless
All states have slogans they post on signs and literature to hopefully lure people to their state, either as new residents or visitors. But the slogans are too non-specific. In Nebraska the possibilities are endless. I would like to know, before entering the state, some of the things I might expect to happen to me while there. Then I could make a truly informed decision.
Here are some more specific slogans, based on things that actually happened to me in some states I have visited (or lived in):
CALIFORNIA... you could expect to possibly see naked old people on the beach.
UTAH... you might get your credit card and car keys stolen from you by a pedophile.
NEBRASKA... you could possibly gain a couple of pounds.
IOWA... you might accidentally lock your 2-year-old in the car at a rest area.
MISSOURI... you maybe will break your two front teeth in the swimming pool.
INDIANA... you might be asked to dress up as a man for a high school musical.
ILLINOIS... your car could break down on the interstate and you might have to carpool with a drunk lady to a hotel (but in all fairness you might not know she is drunk when you accept the ride).
LOUSIANA... you will experience heartburn.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Christmas Surprise
I think it was the Christmas when I was in 4th grade. I had read the classic Judy Blume coming-of-age story "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." Now, some say that story is all about finding God. But to me, at the time, it was all about the training bra. I had noticed some of my friends wearing training bras at school and, because I read that book, I knew I needed one, too. But how could I possibly bring that subject up to my mom? It just was not possible for a kid like me to broach that subject. And so I just hoped. And hoped. And maybe pushed my chest out just a little to show that I had a need for some support. And possibly pulled my shirt a little tighter. But just possibly. Did I recite the mantra, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust?" I'll never tell. But probably not.
On Christmas morning my mom gave me a present and told me I might want to open it separately, without everyone watching. I thought, "Could it be? No way! I never even told her. How could she have known? Maybe she read that book, too." And I carefully peeled the paper away to display my new.... training bra! I was excited and embarrassed all at once. I quickly stuffed it under a pillow on the couch so my brothers wouldn't see it, which of course was a terrible hiding place and one of them found it later. Brothers. I should write a post about brothers sometime.
Anyway, funny that a training bra should be one of the most memorable Christmas presents for me. I guess what's most memorable is that my mom figured it out. Maybe she read the book, too.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
On Productivity
There are two household chores I hate with an extra dose of vengeance: washing dishes and scrubbing the master bathroom. As I was avoiding both today it occurred to me that avoiding those two jobs makes me, strangely, more productive. I use a no holds barred approach in my campaign to procrastinate doing those two duties. By the end of the day I will look around to see the wash done, beds made, iPod charged, bills paid, sharing time lesson for Sunday planned, blog updated, the flower beds weeded, letters written, errands run, children's hair cut, newspapers read and recycled, stories read, baths given, and everyone tucked in on time (or close to it).
But those two rooms will still look like a homeless person set up camp in them (no offense to homeless people. They are not generally known for their cleanliness, but I'm sure there are some who are quite tidy).
If I hired someone to do those jobs for me, then would my entire house finally be clean? I doubt it. Knowing I have those hateful chores to do is my source of power. That thought drives me to clean everything else in my house, to catch up on the odds and ends sort of jobs for school and church, to write blog posts which otherwise may never have been written, and so much more. I must do the dreaded tasks, eventually (it will be late at night when all my other excuses are gone), and I will, but I have to go into it knowing that I will have do them again. And so the next day the cycle will begin again until I find I have, somehow, cleaned my entire house without even planning to do so. And then I will have to give in and scrub that massive shower and gigantic tub-- again (bigger is not always better, friends) and I must rinse those dang dishes so my family can eat tomorrow (they always insist on eating, don't they?). I wish it could be easier. But I don't feel hopeful that I will ever become someone other than the sort of person I am now. Maybe I will improve in some areas, but I don't think I will ever stop procrastinating chores I hate to do. If you disapprove, well, you are more than welcome to show up at my house with a sponge and a can of scrubbing bubbles. But don't let me know you're coming or nothing else will ever happen around here.
But those two rooms will still look like a homeless person set up camp in them (no offense to homeless people. They are not generally known for their cleanliness, but I'm sure there are some who are quite tidy).
If I hired someone to do those jobs for me, then would my entire house finally be clean? I doubt it. Knowing I have those hateful chores to do is my source of power. That thought drives me to clean everything else in my house, to catch up on the odds and ends sort of jobs for school and church, to write blog posts which otherwise may never have been written, and so much more. I must do the dreaded tasks, eventually (it will be late at night when all my other excuses are gone), and I will, but I have to go into it knowing that I will have do them again. And so the next day the cycle will begin again until I find I have, somehow, cleaned my entire house without even planning to do so. And then I will have to give in and scrub that massive shower and gigantic tub-- again (bigger is not always better, friends) and I must rinse those dang dishes so my family can eat tomorrow (they always insist on eating, don't they?). I wish it could be easier. But I don't feel hopeful that I will ever become someone other than the sort of person I am now. Maybe I will improve in some areas, but I don't think I will ever stop procrastinating chores I hate to do. If you disapprove, well, you are more than welcome to show up at my house with a sponge and a can of scrubbing bubbles. But don't let me know you're coming or nothing else will ever happen around here.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Amy's Fitness Plan
(originally posted in 2009)
Just like a lot of you out there, I'm really hoping to end 2009 with a skinnier waistline than I had at the end of 2008. I don't have a gym membership right now, so I'm trying to figure out how to shed the extra pounds. I've had to be creative. I came up with a plan that I think you all should try. But when you do it, make sure you give me credit. Don't try to pass it off as your own idea. The only thing I still have to do is find out how many calories are burned while doing the following activities from a fairly typical week:
Jump up and down and flap arms to stay warm while filling the car with gas.
Make 2 extra trips up & down the stairs at night because 1.you forgot the baby monitor and 2. forgot to take your birth control (if you do this, make sure you don't remember both in the same trip, because that's fewer calories burned).
Maybe an extra trip up & down the stairs because you forgot that your pajamas were in the dryer still (don't fold your laundry & put it away all at once right after the dryer buzzes; make sure you have to go fetch each item piecemeal. More calories. Always think calories. Never efficiency).
Go outside, bring the trash can into the garage, and walk back into the house.
Go back outside, get the mail you forgot to get when you brought the trash can inside, walk back into the house with the mail.
Go back outside, pick up the newspaper you forgot to get when you brought the trash can inside & forgot again when you got the mail. The newspaper could be anywhere, so make sure you check your neighbor's front yard, the sidewalk in front of their house, the curb in front of the neighbor's house, or the middle of the street (also in front of the neighbor's house). But don't bother checking your own driveway or sidewalk or yard; that hardly ever happens. Then go back into the house.
Again, notice the pure inefficiency. That's the key to my fitness plan: inefficiency. And forgetfulness.
Stomp up the stairs to shut 5-year-old's bedroom door since he won't settle down to sleep. Then stomp back downstairs, ignoring his crying.
Vacuum house, then vacuum again a couple of days later just to get 5-year-old (who is terrified of the vacuum because he thinks the vacuum will suck up his books & toys) to pick up his room & playroom. And if you're feeling really mean, you could get him to pick up your bedroom as well.
Walk upstairs to get baby from crib because he's definitely not going to sleep. Walk back up 5 minutes later because, yep, he's definitely ready for a nap.
I'm still working on my diet plan. I need to find one that allows me to eat a brownie for breakfast. I just haven't found it yet.
Just like a lot of you out there, I'm really hoping to end 2009 with a skinnier waistline than I had at the end of 2008. I don't have a gym membership right now, so I'm trying to figure out how to shed the extra pounds. I've had to be creative. I came up with a plan that I think you all should try. But when you do it, make sure you give me credit. Don't try to pass it off as your own idea. The only thing I still have to do is find out how many calories are burned while doing the following activities from a fairly typical week:
Jump up and down and flap arms to stay warm while filling the car with gas.
Make 2 extra trips up & down the stairs at night because 1.you forgot the baby monitor and 2. forgot to take your birth control (if you do this, make sure you don't remember both in the same trip, because that's fewer calories burned).
Maybe an extra trip up & down the stairs because you forgot that your pajamas were in the dryer still (don't fold your laundry & put it away all at once right after the dryer buzzes; make sure you have to go fetch each item piecemeal. More calories. Always think calories. Never efficiency).
Go outside, bring the trash can into the garage, and walk back into the house.
Go back outside, get the mail you forgot to get when you brought the trash can inside, walk back into the house with the mail.
Go back outside, pick up the newspaper you forgot to get when you brought the trash can inside & forgot again when you got the mail. The newspaper could be anywhere, so make sure you check your neighbor's front yard, the sidewalk in front of their house, the curb in front of the neighbor's house, or the middle of the street (also in front of the neighbor's house). But don't bother checking your own driveway or sidewalk or yard; that hardly ever happens. Then go back into the house.
Again, notice the pure inefficiency. That's the key to my fitness plan: inefficiency. And forgetfulness.
Stomp up the stairs to shut 5-year-old's bedroom door since he won't settle down to sleep. Then stomp back downstairs, ignoring his crying.
Vacuum house, then vacuum again a couple of days later just to get 5-year-old (who is terrified of the vacuum because he thinks the vacuum will suck up his books & toys) to pick up his room & playroom. And if you're feeling really mean, you could get him to pick up your bedroom as well.
Walk upstairs to get baby from crib because he's definitely not going to sleep. Walk back up 5 minutes later because, yep, he's definitely ready for a nap.
I'm still working on my diet plan. I need to find one that allows me to eat a brownie for breakfast. I just haven't found it yet.
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