Angel Mothers

Believe it or not, many women hate Mother's Day.

Women who would like to be mothers but have not yet that the opportunity feel excluded. Women who have lost a child find it a very emotionally trying day.

And even the women who have all of their children alive and well can begin to hate mother's day. I have heard some women express that they hate hearing about all of the perfect mothers in the world. It makes them feel even more inadequate in comparison.

But let's face it. Nobody's mother is perfectly angelic. We all fall short of the mark from time to time. Or more often than that.

Below is the post I wrote about my own mother in honor of the holiday:

"Happy Mother's Day!! I am sitting here tonight thinking about my own mother. She is the epitome of optimism. If something bad happens she works overtime to find the silver lining. She is almost always happy, smiliing. She's intensely interested in other people, even someone she just met. I never wonder whether she will want to help me out of a bind or whether she will be interested in my latest news-- she always makes me feel important. Growing up she filled our home with good books, beautiful music, and delicious food. I am proud to have her as my mother."

 

Doesn't she sound perfect?

 

What I didn't say about my mom is that she was always misplacing things. The cordless phone would be missing and we'd find it in the dishwasher (thankfully before it was washed) or the refrigerator or some such place. She was forgetful. She would forget to pick kids up from school or forget to sign permission slips (for heaven's sake, the poor woman had six children and a husband who had to work a lot). She lost her temper sometimes and yelled at her kids. Her house wasn't always clean and her life wasn't always organized. She didn't feed us organic foods. Maybe we ate too much white bread and not enough leafy green vegetables. She had no idea how to style my crazy, frizzy curls and sometimes she made the mistake of letting the hairstylist turn me into little orphan Annie.

 

BUT what you should also know is that when my mom realized she left the phone in the dishwasher she would always willingly have a good laugh at her mistake. By watching my mom I LEARNED TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH AT MYSELF (which is good, since I have plenty of material).

 

When my mom forgot things she ought to have remembered she didn't get bent out of shape. She just apologized and moved on. From my mom I LEARNED TO NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

 

When my mom made the mistake of yelling at one of her children she apologized and made sure we felt loved. She taught me to be willing to apologize when I was wrong and to NEVER GO TO BED MAD.

 

The fact that my mom's house wasn't always clean or her life perfectly organized was the result of my mom having greater priorities. She showed me that it's more important to GIVE YOUR CHILDREN YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION than it is to give your house your time and attention.

 

 Although my mom let me eat too much white bread and not enough organic produce, at least she fed us white bread she baked herself and cookies and treats she prepared for us with her own hands. From my mom I learned A LOVE FOR BAKING (I do wish she could have instilled in me a love for washing up the dishes afterwards, but, alas, she had no luck there).  

 

My mom couldn't get my hair just right and she didn't buy me the latest fashions. She didn't worry about those things. She didn't leave her children looking unkempt, but she also taught me that my APPEARANCE WAS LESS IMPORTANT THAN WHAT WAS ON THE INSIDE. She wanted her children to be kind and good.

 

I'm glad to know my mom isn't perfect. Her imperfections are part of who she is. And we mothers all ought to embrace our inadequacies because through them our children will learn how to face their own shortcomings in life. Dear moms of the world, love yourselves, all of yourselves, as much as you love your dear children. Embrace Mother's Day as a chance to focus on the things you're good at instead of your weak areas. After all, you're just doing the best you can with the gifts you've been given.

 

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy, believe it or not

Lately something has been churning below the surface in my mind. And it finally came to the surface and I realized something: I'M HAPPY.

I do NOT have a perfect life (although I am very blessed). But, as it turns out, a perfect life is not necessary in order to be happy. I have decided I'm going to be happy, to think the best of others, to search for the good in my life and in the world in general, to do the things that allow me to stay happy.

But I'm frustrated with the people of the world who think I (or others like me) should not be happy. Because, as it turns out, I need to lose some weight. Quite a bit, actually. I was skinny most of my life, but I'm older and I've had two babies and I have a harder time staying thin now.

I don't necessarily like the way I look in the mirror. Or in pictures. BUT that has little to do with my happiness. It has to do with what everyone else thinks more than what I think. I want to lose weight to be healthy. But not in order to be happy. I am happy now and I hope to be happy when I am thin, but I want to always be able to remember one thing: happy is a state of mind. I can be happy no matter how I look. Unfortunately, the world in general is not happy with how I look.

You can't miss the message the world is sending. I would be willing to bet about half of all pins or posts on the internet have something to do with how to be skinnier, or how to live longer, or something else related to looking any way other than how I look right now. If a person is overweight and WANTS to know how to lose weight, then it would be EASY for that person to find the information needed. But if a person's focus is elsewhere at that moment the deluge of information might be a negative, constant reminder to someone of his or her imperfections. Being constantly reminded of how bad you look or how bad your eating choices are can have the opposite affect than the one intended. "Helpful" people think they're giving you useful information when what they're really doing is making you feel GUILTY. When I feel guilty I want to go eat a cookie. When I feel motivated I want to go for a walk and eat a salad.

How do you motivate someone to exercise and diet? That's a good question. First, let me tell you how NOT to motivate someone to exercise and diet. DON'T constantly remind them that they are fat or that the food they're eating is POISON or that they've made a lot of BAD choices (even if you don't say it outright, constantly sharing information nobody asked for is really not helpful). Also, if you weight 100 pounds LESS than the person, don't constantly call yourself fat or talk about how you can't eat the cheesecake your overweight friend is eating because you would be fat if you did. Surely you can see how these things might just lead someone to binge eat or go put on some sweat pants and crawl into bed because they feel so very unnattractive.

Instead, help your friend to love him or herself NOW, no matter what size. This will make them LESS likely to want to eat cookies. Helping someone to feel happy is a much better motivator than helping them to recognize how fat and unhealthy they are. THEN after you have helped them feel loved and accepted, invite them to do healthy activities with you THAT THEY CAN ACTUALLY DO. Don't ask someone who has never run before in his or her life to come run five miles with you. Instead, ask if they'll go for a walk with you. Ask them to come to the swimming pool or to take a Zumba class. Start at their level, and help them gradually get better.

BUT when it comes down to it, you don't get to decide for someone else what they eat or what activities they engage in. Nor should you judge them based on those choices, because you just never know what other battles a person is fighting. You could find they have health or emotional problems that cause weight gain. Or you might find out that their focus right now is elsewhere. Their current goal might be their spiritual well-being and their physical well-being is next on their list. It might just not be the MOST important thing in their life at present and that's okay. In fact, it's important to always put things in perspective. The OBSESSION our world has with being skinny and living longer is excessive. We ought to think of weightier things first.

BOTTOM LINE, just knock it off. Don't judge based on appearances, period. We learned in ELEMENTARY not to judge a book by its cover. But for some reason that lesson has been truly applied. It's the personality, the deeds, the words, the thoughts that matter. Love someone for the kind of person they truly are, not the kind of person they APPEAR to be.