Confessions of a 30-Something Drama Queen

David gets really upset when I threaten to kill our children or myself. I don't know why. I guess he just doesn't understand what I really mean. If I said what I meant it just wouldn't sound as dramatic. It wouldn't carry any weight. Here's what I mean:

When I say, "I'm going to kill the children!" I actually mean, "I want to put the children to bed early!"

However, when I threaten, "I'm going to strangle the children!" I of course intend to say, "I'm going to send the children to a long time out!"

I have been known to say, "I'm going to sell you to the gypsies!" but obviously what I'm saying is "I would really love to ship you off to Grandma & Grandpa."

On those nights when I beg David, "Just shoot me now!" what I'm saying is "I want you to put ME to bed early & do the dishes for me!"

But when I announce, "I have had enough!" the true meaning is, "I'm going to Walmart alone to wander the aisles aimlessly for a couple of hours. Don't call the cops when I don't come home right away."