Mommy Hypochondriasis

I think I have this disease.

Symptoms: Overuse of household sanitizing sprays. For example, when husband is sick, patient may spray everything he touches with Lysol until patient can taste Lysol when she's eating her lunch. When passing through the cold & flu section of the store, patient may hold breath. When coming into contact with any sick person, patient may sanitize hands until they're dry & unnattractive. Also, after coming into contact with a sick person, patient may imagine they have the same symptoms as said sick person. For example, when husband has a cold, patient may immediately begin experiencing sore throat, fever, and weakness that may or may not be caused by actual virus. Patient also may be terrible nurse to the sick, as patient may not wish to take temperatures, administer medicine, or generally console the sick. Instead, the patient may wish to be in different county than sick person.

Causes: Though there is considerable debate concerning the causes of this disorder, most professionals think it is probably caused by motherhood. Mothers who have had sick, whiney children do not want to deal with them again and mothers who have cared for sick children while sick themselves never want to be sick again. Thus, they may begin to take drastic measures to avoid illness in all its forms until it becomes an obsession, though some may call it an artform.

Treatments: The best cure for this disorder is for the patient to actually get sick. They become much less obsessive when sick and even feel a sort of relief at not having to avoid the illness anymore. This is why most patients are never cured, because they avoid the cure with such dedication.